Pope Dies After Meeting J.D. Vance, Internet Theories Abound

→ Serve with a Pontiff Poison

Pontiff Poison

Ingredients:

1.5 oz Benedictine (holy-ish)

1 oz bourbon (from under the sink of JD’s childhood home)

0.5 oz Amaro (bitter like Vatican politics)

Dash of holy water (optional)

Twist of lemon (from the Book of Ecclesiastes)

Garnish: a communion wafer with JD’s face printed on it in bitters

Instructions:

Add all ingredients to a chalice or tumbler, depending on denomination.

Stir slowly while whispering in latin, “The body is political.”

Sip in silence in ohio while staring at a Renaissance painting in a St. Vincent de Paul.

Ring a small bell each time someone says “I’m not saying it caused it, but…

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